my middle finger

it's been a while since i've written anything at all, and i can't really say why. has alot happened? sure. alot and nothing at all. let me begin with the war that is occuring in my backyard.

for a week now schools have been closed because they have received bomb threats. this is not new, and when i was much younger, we'd still wake up in the morning and haul our asses to school because we never did take these warnings seriously. partly because schools never shut down. but since tuesday october 20th 2009, schools remained closed all over the country. it was then i knew, this was sort of a big deal (this was after bombs went of at the Islamic University in Islamabad and killed four female students and injured 13 others). the roads remained somewhat empty and the city took on this vacant, haunted, look. so what did i do? i told my friends (who i had not seen in a very long time) that we needed to hang out and go for brunch. because i am, as much as i may hate it, a karachite. what that means is, i am densitized to bomb threats, shootings, beggary, and most physical and sexual crimes. if i were to be fearful, if i were to consider the perils that living in this city brings, i would never leave my premises. in fact, let's be honest: even your home is not safe in karachi. often homes are broken into and people are left tied up and beaten, if not fatally wounded. so, let's cut the crap, shall we? you toughen up and you live with the notion that everyday something vile could occur. you go for coffee; you visit a friend. you do so because that is your version of showing every terrorist out there the middle finger. you're not scaring me. you're not getting to me. and you will not bring me down...


...oh but they did, you see. when you close down an education institute, you are making a disgustingly illiterate population more ignorant. and sure, schools open starting tomorrow (27th october 2009) but at what cost? in order for any education institute to be opened in pakistan, authorities have issued changes that must be implemented within 2 weeks. what are these changes, you ask? well firstly, the boundary walls must be atleast 8 feet high. they must then be topped by barbed wire. there must be flood lights that will be kept on all night so any person entering the premises (which of course they should not be, as schools do not operate past 5pm) can be easily seen and identified. there must be cctv cameras installed in and outside the school premises, and a control room set up with a trained professional to oversee the recordings. there must be an army ranger perched at a high point, so he can see cars, drivers and students easily. there will be police officers sanctioned all around the building. and of course these officers and the army ranger will be carrying and using weapons (when necessary). there may be metal detectors if necessary, and it is advised that the school gate be made of iron.


i'm sorry. the last time i checked i worked at a high school. however, this may as well be a correctional facility. students are supposed to want to study in an environment where their every move is being monitored? really? does this make for a conducive academic environment? a second home? does it matter what i think or how i feel? no. this has been decided, and any educational institute not meeting with these new regulations will not be allowed to open its doors.


so what do we do? well, as karachites we do what we do best. we pretend nothing's wrong. we may talk about the changes (and i certainly plan on asking my students how they feel!) and then we get on with our work. because, these are our lives. the perpetual fear, the constant unsafety, and the ease with which lives are lost or taken, is nothing short of the norm in this great islamic republic.


but we continue. even if all we are doing is going through the motions, do not be fooled into thinking there is no laughter and no joy. we have learnt to joke about the most degrading and apalling of situations, to take a heavy and serious conversation and then speak in jest. because when we laugh, and when smile, that too ladies and gentleman and people of all sexes, is us showing our middle fingers to the world.


and when i go to school from tomorrow, and when i teach these students all i know, and when i motivate them and guide them, that is my protest and that is my rebellion. and when i ask them how they feel, and when i give them a safe zone which should be their basic human right, well that's me saying FUCK YOU. you will not stop me from being the best at what i do. and you will not stifle me. and if i'm going to go down, you bet your ass it ain't gonna be silently.