I think once in a while it's almost imperative to treat yourself. Friday night, we did just this. We went to one of the fanciest restaurants in Karachi (Sukura), and we ate our hearts out. The Miso soup was great, the sushi was good, and the Matcha ice cream was delish. Of course once we received our bill, it hit me: most people in Pakistan don't make the kind of money the eleven of us had spent in just under 3 hours. In fact, my pay check at the end of the month is pretty similiar to the cash we dished out. Welcome to my life: even the things that make you happy, make you feel a little bit worse.
Since Mount Holyoke College, I have been acutely aware of disparities. Gender disparities, racial disparities, and living in Pakistan, especially socio-economic class disparities. It sickens me, and saddens me, to leave a café or a shop after having spent money on a luxury item, and be surrounded and hounded by beggars. I know, I know, we don't give them money because it only encourages them to beg and they should be working. Really? Where? And what about those without arms and legs? Or those with grotesque deformities? Will you hire these people to help you around the house? I didn't think so.
For years I have not been able to understand why I am so drastically affected while those around me are nonchalant and uninterested. For months I have toned down any spending habits I had, to prevent myself from being in these situations. And yet, the few times it happens, the experiences are caustic. There is a burgeoning of unhealthy feelings: resentment, anger, despair, pity, and revulsion.
But this is Karachi. This has been Karachi for as long as I've known it. It is overpopulated and it is dirty. The city reeks of unhappiness and misery; its people are jaded and tired. In the winter, despite being rarely used, there will be no electricity for 8-10 hours a day. And in the summer, when needed the most, there will be electricity for only 8-10 hours a day. The water is dark and grimy, the sky is bright and yet somehow grimy. The roads are broken and serve almost as remnants of the stone age that existed thousands of years ago in this vicinity. This is Karachi.
And justice has been on a vacation since 1947.

i hate standardized testing

gender for dummies

Reads:

Mishka Murad is a
lecturer of Sociology and
English at The Lyceum
School. She has an
undergraduate degree in
Gender Studies and
Anthropology from Mount
Holyoke College. Murad
recently graduated from
Trinity College Dublin,
with a Master's in
Philosophy through the
Center of Gender and
Women's Studies.

.Reads:
While the struggle for women's rights is still a pertinent one
in Pakistan today, says Mishka Murad, it will be more effective to start a revolution that embraces not just women but also those who do not neatly fit into socially constructed stereotypes.

new beginnings and bitter endings

the title of this post is from a song by the Corrs, and does not necessarily depict my feelings in this moment, although, it isn't necessarily not true either. i had wanted to start this blog earlier, but it seemed pretentious to think that someone else would want in on your thoughts. before they're out the assumption is that they are meaningful, relevant and important in some way. the reason why i finally decided to go ahead with this, is because i am hoping to achieve some peace of mind. writing has always comforted me, and if anyone can relate to a single moment in my life, well what more could i ask for? so here's my first journal entry (and i hope it's not pretentious):

this month has been a trying one for me. it has marked my deceased mother's birthday, extreme heartache, an end to a never-ending love, trials complete with several sets of errors, mood swings and angst. but, it is and continues to be, a month of healing and hope, and the working towards a brighter and much desired future of sorts.

mic check

despite all the education i have received over the years, this is my fourth attempt to try and make this work...