the woman with no face

a week ago i saw a woman with no face.
today, i saw her again.


she sits outside Abdullah Shah Ghazi's mazar (or the shrine of Abdullah Shah Ghazi), leaning aginst a wall, she sits with a small plastic bucket (for want of a better word), begging for money. she can not do much else, considering as i said, she has no face.


let me explain: she is more than likely the victim or should i say (unfortunate? fortunate?) survivor of an acid attack. acid attacks are fairly common in pakistan, and most often the victim (who does not always survive) is a woman. these attacks are common when a woman has been termed loose, is believed to be an adulterer, or crosses her in-laws in some way. the perpetrators can be the woman (or girl's) father, brother, husband, even the husband's family. despite the prevalence of these incidences, acid continues to be sold cheaply and can be bought from almost anywhere (as it is also used to remove stains from floors etc).


when i usually learn about the survivors (whom i would call unfortunate survivors, for the world is not kind to people who are a mess physically, nor are their own families) i am upset because i can not imagine the 'life' that exists thereafter. this woman was different. sure she had a socket where her left eye should have been, and a bulging blind right eye. sure she had a nose that disappeared at the tip, to be met with a mouth that lacked lips. sure the skin on her face was decaying and diseased, but this is not what made my stomach churn.


what made me uneasy is that she sits there, with no idea of her surroundings. it makes me uneasy that she may be attacked (again); it makes me extremely uneasy that i do not understand how she eats, that she can not see what she eats. how does she bathe? where does she bathe? does someone pick her up in the evenings, only to drop her off at this same wretched place, each morn? does she belong to one of pakistan's notorious beggar camps? and if she doesn't, would that be worse?


somehow yes... the idea of never knowing where you're going, scares me. and yes metaphorically i have been there (and i am still there). but i still have my sight, even if occaisionally i lose sight. this woman, without the sense of sight, can she have metaphorical sight? do the two co-exist?


and is it horrible of me to think surviving some incidents and experiences, aren't moments that one should be grateful for?