i was stupid over you

so i've thought about it. you didn't ask me to, but i thought about it anyway. i've come to the realization that it probably isn't going to work out between you and i. you didn't know that was even on the table, but i was hoping it was all the table held. but i slept on it. you didn't demand that i did, but i did anyway. and i have come to understand that there are too many obstacles in our path. you weren't aware that the path was one, but it was the only path i've seen since i have known you. i doubt you think we know each other adequately, but i am content with just what we know about one another. and given all i know about you, i'm deciding that it's best we end this. you haven't known that there was a this to end, but there is, there was. it's ending.

i'm tired of the trying. i'm tired of the effort i make with each time i contact you. i am tired of the various modes i use, so that we are never really apart. i am tired of wondering whether you've responded, whether you will, and when. and i am tired of wondering why you haven't.

more than anything else, i am tired of thinking of you. it is everyday, in most moments. it is when things remind me of you, and bring me back to you. it is in moments when things do not remind me of you, and then i wonder why there are no associations between these inanimate objects and you, and once more, each thought brings me back to you.

i am tired of wondering where you are, what you might be doing, and who you might be with. i am tired of thinking these thoughts do not matter, because all that does matter is that you are not here with me, sharing moments with me, making memories with me.

you might not know this, but we shared some wonderful moments, you and i. you might not know this, but i think of them often. but what you should know, and what i will tell you once more is that i am done with you. there is no point to this constant trying (does everything always need to have a point?), no purpose in these constant efforts (is a purpose always relevant?), and no reason why this should continue (does the heart know reason?).

i was stupid over you.

and i'm done.
done...



...i think.