my personal calender

some people celebrate dates that have been pre-determined as important and somehow, life-altering. my personal calender is slightly different. my new year begins on my birthday, christmas eve. and a date on which i evaluate my worth, my decisions and my actions (basically everything that got me till that point), is 8th february: my mother's death anniversary, and my father's birthday.

whether or not i am checking the gregorian calender, or reading the date on the newspaper, my body tells me it's that time of year.

tomorrow, 9 years ago, i lost my mother. i held her hand as she stopped breathing. i held her hand as i barely recognized the woman in front of me. tomorrow, 9 years later, i have found my mother.

she is with me when i look into the mirror. she is with me as i stress and worry over helping others. she is with me as i continue to inspire and motivate people. she is with me everytime i learn to love, and each time i learn to let go. she is with me when i travel, for she loved it so very much herself. and she is with me when i am all alone.

it took me 9 years. 9 entire years of loving and losing and learning and letting go, to get to this point. but instead of hurting over what was inevitable (at some stage), it's time to celebrate that which remains. and what remains is everyday i have left, and what i do with each. in the words of a very wise man:

"what you are is what you have been.
what you will be, is what you do now."