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Thursday, November 25, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
teenage angst brigade
so i have been working for a while now, and i've been 'living' in bangkok for longer. i am unsure as to whether 'living' is the right word, given that my weekdays consist of commutes, work, a swim and dinner. by 9pm my eyes are burning out of their sockets in protest that they have been doing their job for far too long without a break, and my eyelids are as heavy as bags of sand.
i sleep, but often i do not sleep well. i am getting used to not being a spoilsport and having the air conditioner on (despite the fact that bangkok winters make karachi summers seem cool). i wake up a few times some days, many times other days. i am awake at 6am at the very latest, regardless of what day it is, because my body clock refuses to let me sleep in on the weekends.
needless to say, i feel very old.
it is not all bad though. even though i lack a social life, i am perfectly content being alone, so long as i am not feeling lonely (although there are moments of this too). my commuting means i take buses, trains, taxis, boats and tuk tuks on my own. my ass is not grabbed, no one calls out to me, or hoots at me. it is refreshing. i am independent. well, except that i am entirely dependant on the public transportation system.
i learn new things everyday. whether at the office, at school, or out on a street. the 'small town girl' in me, befriends strangers who work at bus stops and train stops, so i know those i see everyday, even if we may never be friends.
i have a friend from college here, who has been supportive and kind, and here for me the entire time. and i so grateful and appreciative. there are guardian angels everywhere. and they come in every shape, size and colour. believe it.
i enjoy teaching, in that i enjoy that it is 'conversational english' i teach, and so i get to talk to my students (of all ages), and have some hilarious (and some disturbing) encounters. whether they are gems, or diamonds in the rough, i am usually able to connect with most, and motivate some (with the limited english they understand, and the non-existent thai i speak).
my birthday is next month, and i am not looking forward to the age i turn, for i thought at 26, i'd have a book under my belt, enough money in the bank, and someone to come home to, but i have yet to achieve even one of these things. but i am also realizing that there's little planning you can do in life, and if you stick to the 'things to do' list you create for yourself, well, you miss all the other exciting adventures that may crop up, expected and unplanned, along the way.
and while i feel i am turning old, i think it is my ability to recall what it was like to be 13 and 16 and 18, which makes me a good teacher to the students i teach. i have not forgotten the turmoils that exist at that age, nor have i forgotten what the teenage angst brigade brings with it.
so maybe i am just getting older, and not necessarily old.
i sleep, but often i do not sleep well. i am getting used to not being a spoilsport and having the air conditioner on (despite the fact that bangkok winters make karachi summers seem cool). i wake up a few times some days, many times other days. i am awake at 6am at the very latest, regardless of what day it is, because my body clock refuses to let me sleep in on the weekends.
needless to say, i feel very old.
it is not all bad though. even though i lack a social life, i am perfectly content being alone, so long as i am not feeling lonely (although there are moments of this too). my commuting means i take buses, trains, taxis, boats and tuk tuks on my own. my ass is not grabbed, no one calls out to me, or hoots at me. it is refreshing. i am independent. well, except that i am entirely dependant on the public transportation system.
i learn new things everyday. whether at the office, at school, or out on a street. the 'small town girl' in me, befriends strangers who work at bus stops and train stops, so i know those i see everyday, even if we may never be friends.
i have a friend from college here, who has been supportive and kind, and here for me the entire time. and i so grateful and appreciative. there are guardian angels everywhere. and they come in every shape, size and colour. believe it.
i enjoy teaching, in that i enjoy that it is 'conversational english' i teach, and so i get to talk to my students (of all ages), and have some hilarious (and some disturbing) encounters. whether they are gems, or diamonds in the rough, i am usually able to connect with most, and motivate some (with the limited english they understand, and the non-existent thai i speak).
my birthday is next month, and i am not looking forward to the age i turn, for i thought at 26, i'd have a book under my belt, enough money in the bank, and someone to come home to, but i have yet to achieve even one of these things. but i am also realizing that there's little planning you can do in life, and if you stick to the 'things to do' list you create for yourself, well, you miss all the other exciting adventures that may crop up, expected and unplanned, along the way.
and while i feel i am turning old, i think it is my ability to recall what it was like to be 13 and 16 and 18, which makes me a good teacher to the students i teach. i have not forgotten the turmoils that exist at that age, nor have i forgotten what the teenage angst brigade brings with it.
so maybe i am just getting older, and not necessarily old.
Monday, November 15, 2010
x marks the spot
inconspicuously,
quietly,
and out of the blue,
it is always in that fashion
that i will hear from you.
it is once i am healed,
satisfied,
and content,
that you slither back into my present.
but i am strong,
fierce,
and unbreakable, my dear dear x,
even in a moment of weakness,
come curse. hit hex.
quietly,
and out of the blue,
it is always in that fashion
that i will hear from you.
it is once i am healed,
satisfied,
and content,
that you slither back into my present.
but i am strong,
fierce,
and unbreakable, my dear dear x,
even in a moment of weakness,
come curse. hit hex.
Monday, November 1, 2010
stayin' alive
blogspot emailed to inform me that they would be deleting my blog since it has been so inactive recently. so here is a post to (hopefully) prevent the plug from being pulled on it.
some of the reasons why my blog has been inactive recently include the following:
- after the wonderful time i had in phuket, learning something new, meeting new people, and having an all round wonderful experience, i travelled to central thailand to try and find myself a job.
- i was initially supposed to be here for just a few days, since the job market is pretty massive, and english teachers are guaranteed jobs. however, it turns out i had to extend my stay by another few days, because of what i encountered.
- what i encountered was blatant racism. i was told on multiple occasions that i could not teach english, because i was not a native speaker, and this was determined based on the colour of my skin and the colour of my passport.
- however, i landed a few gigs my last day here, chose the people who were kindest to me, and who are allowing me to learn something new, and then headed back to browntown to renew my visa, so i could start my job asap.
- during this time i had the opportunity to visit istanbul with an old friend, and meet up with a friend from college there.
- needless to say, i had a blast, and some of my fondest memories to date, are linked to this trip.
- then i packed up my belongings, said a few goodbyes (i only had 72 hours or so), and am back in thailand working, working, working....
- and right now, i am sleepy. but i did it. i got out of the place that stifled me so very much. i did it. and so, here is to a new beginning. and my own personal quest for safety, new experiences, and hopefully, happiness.
some of the reasons why my blog has been inactive recently include the following:
- after the wonderful time i had in phuket, learning something new, meeting new people, and having an all round wonderful experience, i travelled to central thailand to try and find myself a job.
- i was initially supposed to be here for just a few days, since the job market is pretty massive, and english teachers are guaranteed jobs. however, it turns out i had to extend my stay by another few days, because of what i encountered.
- what i encountered was blatant racism. i was told on multiple occasions that i could not teach english, because i was not a native speaker, and this was determined based on the colour of my skin and the colour of my passport.
- however, i landed a few gigs my last day here, chose the people who were kindest to me, and who are allowing me to learn something new, and then headed back to browntown to renew my visa, so i could start my job asap.
- during this time i had the opportunity to visit istanbul with an old friend, and meet up with a friend from college there.
- needless to say, i had a blast, and some of my fondest memories to date, are linked to this trip.
- then i packed up my belongings, said a few goodbyes (i only had 72 hours or so), and am back in thailand working, working, working....
- and right now, i am sleepy. but i did it. i got out of the place that stifled me so very much. i did it. and so, here is to a new beginning. and my own personal quest for safety, new experiences, and hopefully, happiness.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
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