except

"she wasn't doing a single thing that i could see, except standing there, leaning on the balcony railing, holding the universe together."

-J.D.Salinger

no room for stereotypes

thrice

how could you say those words to me,
and then pretend you never spoke them?

how could you make those promises,
and then change your mind?

how could you kiss me so softly and so sweet,
and then discard me?

and why, even when i want to the most,
am i unable to do the same
to you. with you. for you?

open

it's been a while since i've written anything...at all. i have not posted recently to this blog, nor have i written anymore short stories. this saddens me, for there are so many stories to be told and created, and somehow there is never any time for it!

since it has been so long, i am unsure of where to start. so i'll say this: 2010 will be everything i need for it to be, and so much more. i know it, i feel it; in the air, in my bones.

i had that feeling first when i was wrapping up my 3 week stay in the US. my vacation proved to be all the things i had wanted, and better yet, all the things i had not known that i needed. and since this journey, i have been more...positive. if you see me everyday, and you have not noticed that, perhaps it is because you do not recall last year. last year when crying my eyes out was a daily occurrence; when feeling miserable was a constant reality, and when being bitter and pessimistic were words i personified. while there are many issues and concerns in my life that still remain, i am also realizing that happiness is mine, should i be able to find it, create it, and maintain it.

i do things now often to make others happy (depending on how much i love those others). i have deleted all texts from my ex who broke my heart, because this life is too short to spend it pining over an unrequited and a selfish kind of love. i have been taking intense yoga classes, not just because they challenge me and push me to my physical and bodily limits, but because my yogi oozes with good energy, something that did not surround me last year. i am taking care of my mind and body, soul and heart, because every morning when i wake, and each night when it is time for slumber, that is all i have.

of course i have those 'why me?' moments when i question why things are unfair and unjust; why good people must have horrific things happen to them, and why everyone in the world (it seems) manages to find romantic love but myself. but these moments are fewer than last year, because i no longer believe in coincidences. i do not believe that things are random.

there are reasons behind that which we see, and that which we can not comprehend. i am in karachi right now, and i have been for over a year, for several reasons. i did not (allow myself to) see the reasons then, but i see them clear as day, now. my first batch of students (graduates of 2009) were given to me for several reasons. several wonderful reasons. my current batch is no accident either. and so on, and so forth.

so here i am. i do not have it all figured out, but i no longer see happenings; i see signs. and answers. life has a funny way of leading you to where you need (very different from want) to be.

with a little hard work that may change. but it's entirely possible that with a little hard work that might stay the same. who knows?

so here i am. i am open. to new places and people and experiences.

i am open.

open.

he

his eyes wrinkle at the corners
when he smiles.
and when he smiles i am reminded
that he smiles not just for me.

his eyes light up
when he laughs.
and when he laughs i am reminded
that he laughs with others too.

his embrace was warm
when he wrapped his arms around me.
but it was common, calculated, contrived
and it was only for me.

this is how i became a patron of the arts

leprechaun duck