double standards (the censored version)

pakistan is a great place to visit if you want to learn more about double standards. usually these pertain to the complexities and intricacies of gender, race, class, sex and sexualities. however, double standards are not limited to just those realms.

my own educated, privileged, and ‘western’* household is a fantastic example of these double standards. let me elaborate via an anecdote.

a few weeks ago my father had a few of my friends over for dinner. all but one of these friends work abroad. my father told them how wise they were for leaving a country that is slowly falling apart. moreover how brilliant they were for obtaining those jobs and smarter still, because in 5 years of working in that particular country they could apply for citizenship and a passport. having a foreign passport is a dream come true for most pakistanis: it allows for you to be treated as (almost) human at most airports (and not a convicted felon which is the norm), and it gains you entry into countries you may as well forget about if you hold a pakistani passport.

but, i digress. so anyway, here my friends were being praised as i sat flabbergasted, for when i have mentioned working abroad, i have been told in various ways that i am abandoning the family and shunning responsibilities (as if living/working abroad is a life without responsiblities and stress). but to make the sitiation worse, my father then turned to my one friend who works in pakistan and said, “you should get a job in london! you should leave! this city is going to the dogs…”

of course, once again these words of wisdom did not apply to me, which is hysterical almost, because as a woman i am in far more danger than any man in this country (or any other?).

but what is danger anymore?

i have grown up having had parts of my body touched and grabbed when i knew it was wrong. but how could it be? i was in public, everyone saw and no one did anything. surely it was a mistake right? a mistake every single time. i mean, i was only 10.

and then 12. and 14. and 16. and now 24. and nothing really changed much at all. nothing really does in this country. except that things get worse. that’s a change though, i suppose?

and yet despite the perpetual imminent danger, and the constant impending doom and disaster that lurks within each house and outside of it, i must stay. because that’s what families do - they stick together, through thick and thin, right?

Wrong.


this is not a life i carved out for myself.
this is not at all where i want to be. or who i want to be.





* i am having huge problems with the term 'western' and all that it is believed to encompass.